Mga Pahina

Linggo, Disyembre 2, 2012

I hope I'm OK...




Ewan ko, bigla ko na lang ‘to naramdaman ngayon. Yung feeling na para bang may ‘kulang’… yung tipong kahit magawa ko ang mga bagay na sa tingin ko’y nararapat kong gawin ay di pa rin yun sapat para maintindihan ko kung ano yung ‘kulang’ na kailangan kong punan sa lalong madaling panahon.

Iniisip ko kung ito ba yung ‘lovelife’ na halos wala nang lugar sa buhay ko na ‘to. O kaya naman ay yung mga karanasan na sa tingin ko ay magpapatatag pa nang husto sa akin. Hindi ko talaga lubos na maintindihan pa sa ngayon…

Kanina, I caught myself looking into the fb pictures ng isang klasmeyt nung elem, kasama niya yung girlfriend niya sa picture. Sweet at mukhang masaya sila…nainggit lang ako, buti pa sya meron. Then I asked myself, anu nga ba ang ibig sabihin na matagpuan mo na yung iyong ‘better half’? Ano ba yung pakiramdam ng para bang may kahati ka sa lungkot at saya ng buhay… Gaano ba kasaya yung feeling na may nagmamahal sayo? Na may tatanggap sayo no matter what and who you are… Gusto ko rin yun maramdaman. Sana hindi pa huli…

And I do not know why… I pity myself about what’s happening in our family right now… all the while I thought okay lang yung family namin, pero hindi pala. There are so many things that we have to surpass. And I hope we can… and be together again. Ngayon ko lang naintindihan how it feels to come from a broken family… well di naman kami totally broken, but we are already experiencing a piece of it. And yes, it’s quite hard.

Kanina rin ay family day. I was very happy to see the parents together with their beloved children. And I just whispered to myself na sana lahat ng pamilya ay ganito kasaya at magkakasama tulad ng nakikita ko. It would be painful, I know, for a child na mamulat agad sa katotohanang di buo ang kanyang pamilya… eh hindi naman lahat ng bata ay ‘strong’ in a way that they can be resilient in whatever na mangyari sa kanilang buhay, some are weak, kailangan nila ng gabay at kasama.

And so I ask God… will there be a chance for me to figure out all the things in my life? Minsan, naisip ko, gusto ko munang mamuhay mag-isa, maybe because I really need more space to grow… so I can be able to handle my life on my own.

Lumilipas ang oras. And I don’t want to be dictated by its phase. I want my own time. I want to take my time living my life.

27 komento:

  1. kahit ilang libong km ang layo ko sayo sis (nakikisis talaga e noh..) ramdam kita, sagad backbone. wag na lungkot. kahit na pansamantala wala ka pang lovelife e nandito naman kaming mga kaibigan at taga suporta mo na kahit parang moo moo e nagpaparamdam pa rin sa iyo.

    Ganito lang ang buhay. kailangan talaga nating tanggapin ang mga ngyayari sa atin, sa pamilya natin at sa pang araw-araw na pamumuhay natin. kailangan nating mag-move on dahil kung hindi lalamunin lang tayo ng kalungkutan and worst case scenario e mabaliw na at gumawa na ng masama. kaya mo yan sis. walang sukuan.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. salamat. yung tinawag mo akong sis ay ok na yun haha :)
      hindi po ako 'sis' or cyst :) anyways, napa-smile naman ako dun.

      salamat talaga sa payo. it makes me feel better.
      pasenxa na if medyo misleading yung ibang lines, dala lang ng bugso ng damdamin, na-edit ko na po. God bless!

      Burahin
  2. I'm from a broken family too, but you know, ginamit ko to para masabi ko sa sarili ko na di ko hahayaan masira ang magiging pamilya ko kahit anong pagsubok pa ang dumating... Maybe God allow this to happen to your family para masubok kung ganu kau katatag bilang pamilya...

    wala namang problema ang di nalulutas eh... just pray to Him to give you strenght para makayanan mo ang trials na ito... kung ano man ang mangyari sa family, be strong... tanggapin mo ng maluwag sa puso mo...

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. salamat po. i'm really trying to move on each day and be positive always... and i have always been no matter what, mahirap lang talaga kapag nandun ka pa sa situation.

      Burahin
  3. At some point in our lives, we feel about this so called "void". It's normal to feel this since we are human beings, we have various emotional components.

    It is a sometimes a sad fact, that we can't change the history that was written before us and we can never dare to change our past. But, look beyond the horizon bro, open your eyes into the limitless and endless possibilities that you can do not only to change the course of your life but also make a difference in your credit.

    Surely, there are beautiful things ahead waiting to be unfolded before your very eyes, just wait with a loving longing. It's ok to recognize the failures and pains that you and your family have gone through but don't dwell into it. But after recognizing your pains, learn to discover you passion, purpose and power. With that, you will be able to face your future with steady confidence and with a smile.

    Too cliched to say this, but just remember that when the going gets tough, tough people rises to the occasion. You are tough I know because you are strong enough to express your vulnerability to everyone. God bless you

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. maraming salamat!
      ang sarap lang ng feeling na may mga taong nagbibigay sayo ng advice kahit di mo sila personal na kakilala, it makes me feel and realize na hindi ako nag-iisa. salamat talaga. God bless!

      Burahin
    2. Walang anuman, we are here because of only one purpose and that is to be of person to others.

      You are in a sad phase as of the moment, it's implied for us to at least show concern kahit di ka pa namin nakikita. Just be strong, truly there will be kind hearted people that will give their unsolicited advices even when not asked especially if the person reading can relate to it at some point (like me). Stay put and blessed.

      Burahin
    3. salamat ulit. i never thought i could find "people" here sa blogosphere...

      Burahin
  4. sana matagpuan mo agad ang "kulang" na yan para makompleto ka na...

    TumugonBurahin
  5. Kanya kanyang dala ng suliranin, kanya kanyang pakikibaka. Tama lang na isulat mo, ng maibsan ang lungkot at kahit paano ay makasama mo kami sa iyong paglalakbay.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. malaki rin talaga ang naitutulong ng pagsusulat... salamat!

      Burahin
    2. Dahil walang updated blogpost, dito na lang.
      Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year! O kailan ka dadalaw dito o ako muna diyan?

      Burahin
    3. kamusta? salamat sa pagbati :)
      mas gusto ko pumunta dyan hehe, but it will take time

      meri xmas din at super blessed new year!

      Burahin
  6. those were the days i was like that too. move on lang. kaya yan...

    TumugonBurahin
  7. madalas sa araw araw nararamdaman ko yna but i choosed to appreciate what i have than grieving for what i don't

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. ginagawa ko rin yan, tinamaan lang talaga...

      Burahin
  8. Ewan ko nga kung bakit may mga moments na parang empty ka.. hindi ko rin maintindihan.. pero lilipas din yan.. Think happy thoughts! *hugs*

    TumugonBurahin
  9. pag empty feeling ka, pray ka lang, and cling on to your friends ang families na nag-e-exude ng positive vibes ;-) ganun yung ginagawa ko. pinipilit ko sarili at dinadivert. ang hirap kasi kung ino-overanalyzed natin self natin.

    TumugonBurahin
  10. One advice- never be fooled by the images in Facebook. They are perceived or interpretations of real facts, and sometimes they are presented as glamorous, or something that was pulled out from a ball of pure perky energy.

    Mahirap yata mag comment sa mga issue ng puso. Matagal na din akong bakante sa love-life. Puro pakikipaglandian at flirtationships lang. But you know, I'm quite happy being single. Siguro dahil wala talaga akong romanticism sa puso at buto. Maliban dun sa tinatago kong pagtingin sa dun sa minamahal ko for 10 years. Kaya rin siguro hindi ako makuntento sa iba dahil hindi siya ang makuha ko. Anyway, umeepal na naman ako.

    Seriously, God himself said that "it's not good for man to be alone", and that's why he created woman. And in the right time, true love will come. Oo, naniniwala ako sa true love kahit napaka douchebag ko minsan. And I believe it will come in the right time. Kahit pa matanda na tayo, LOVE KNOWS NO AGE AND KNOWS NO LIMITS. Only God himself can end a relationship. Pero siyempre, nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa.

    Ready ka na ba sir pumasok sa isang relationship? In bad times and in good times? In plenty or in poverty? In sickness and in health?

    if you just want to play, madali lang naman yun. you can even set your own timelines- one day? a month? a week? a year? Nasa iyo yon.

    Puro yung love of your life ang nararapat lang sayo diba? Well, you have to make the right steps, you're already in the right time. You just have to be courageous to venture out.

    At isa pa, love is a choice din. Usually, after two years of relationship nawawala ang kilig factor. After those two years, nandun yung challenge. Dun mo malalaman kung hanggang saan pupunta ang pag-ibig mo.

    Perhaps it's just a phase. You should find a healthy diversion. Develop a new hobby. Learn a new trade. Effective ang general cleaning ng bahay o mag make over, yun bang ibahin ang ayos ng mga furniture. Practical steps that worked for me, kahit perpetual ang depression ko. Hehehehe.... Just do some activity to divert the mind from problems and depressing thoughts. I mean, nothing's gonna change if you do more thinking about it di ba?

    Minsan talaga sa buhay no, not-so-happy things happen. God never wanted it but he sometimes allow it. It is in the direst times and tribulations our character is molded. It is in crises our courage is developed. And it is in brokenness that we see God's graciousness if we allow him to lead in our lives and bridge the gaps of broken relationships. Maaaring sabihin mo, "Eto na naman si T.G., full on ang Epal Mode", fine call me epal, or whatever you want.

    But I have no words of wisdom of my own. My life is a mess to, and there's really no reason for me to be a cheerful inspiration, but I can tell you the truth I continue to hold on to: that God is faithful at kung anumang pagsubok ang pinagdadaanan mo, alam ng Diyos ang capacity mo, alam niya ang iyong hangganan, at kailangan mong malaman that as sin and troubles abound, God's grace abounds far greater than all of these. May you find peace and joy in the Lord's presence.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. my goodness, I kind of exaggerated my comment this time. Sorry! (may follow up pa talaga ha)....

      Burahin
    2. maraming salamat!!!
      eto talaga ang 'very well said' mong comment na isa na ring post :)
      kinakaya ko na ang emote na ito sa ngayon, salamat ulit :)

      Burahin
  11. bad feeling such as those really happens you know. however, what we can do is to hope and do our best for now and see what happens. Pray too...:) Everything will be over soon...:)


    xx!

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. thank you so much! di ko talaga alam kung pa'no pasasalamatan yung mga tao dito sa blogosphere... i mean, di ko naman sila personal na kakilala, pero di yun nangahulugan ng di pagkakaroon ng damayan :) God bless!

      Burahin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...